jehovahzwetness:

My GPS lady sounds like she hasn’t been fucked in a long time

Are you the SAT because I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a 10 minute break halfway through for snacks, and then I can stare at you for like 10 minutes and think ‘wow, I hope I don’t ruin this.’
Dude on OKC with the best pick up lines I have ever heard (via katamarang) ←

cirque-du-sirene:

Ruckus rockin out to a good jam

cirque-du-sirene:

Ruckus rockin out to a good jam

veruca-assault:

ms-kawesome:

The next time a man starts yelling at you, cut him off and tell him you just can’t talk to him when he’s being so emotional.

I have done this and can confirm that is a LOT of fun to watch them implode afterward.

uglygirlsclub:

don’t date anyone who isn’t proud of you

winedrunklovers:

MIDDLE FINGERS YOU DONT GIVE A FUCK except for ya mom and dogs and volunteer work and destroying the patriarchy BUT MOSTLY DONT GIVE A FUCK

alwaysactually:

lusilly:

some muggleborn like “i want to be an astronaut when i grow up!”

wizard kids like “wtf is an astronaut”

"oh you know…the people who go to the moon"

officialunitedstates:

a shady stranger pulls me into a dark alley “hey kid do you want to do drugs” he says as he gives me a pencil and a form.  “I’m doing a survey for the census bureau”

verysmalldeer:

nevecampbell:

I just wanna s*** some d***

HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL

fujitoras:

i read this left-to-right by accident
"am i reading? what the fuck?"

fujitoras:

i read this left-to-right by accident

"am i reading? what the fuck?"